Mr Nice Guy
by on sleepless roads
Summary: Puck decides to help Finn grow a pair. He figures if he dates Berry for a while, Finn would come around and ask her out. That's how the plan was supposed to go. But you know what they say about the best laid out plans.
1. Booty Call

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Now excuse me while I go to a corner and cry.**

Puck watched Finn out of the corner of his eye. That sounds gay, he knows. But he wasn't watching for his best friend for _that _reason. God, no. He wasn't going to go all Hummel on Finn. Or on any other guy, for that matter. He was straight as an arrow, thankyouverymuch.

No, he wasn't checking Finn out. He was observing him, carefully assesing his actions as he stared dumbly at curvy brunette who was yapping on and on about something Puck couldn't care less about. Finn was now shuffling in his seat. He was fidgeting, alternating from crossing his legs to sitting straight. Puck raised an eyebrow at his uneasiness. What was his problem? And that was when he saw it, saw the cause of the look of displeasure that now situated itself on his best friend's face.

_Holy shit, Finn was having a hard-on._

He was getting off Rachel's annoying high pitched talking voice.

"Now, I know all of you do not have nearly as much practice and experience as I do with performing, I have been doing that since I was three months old so there is really no shame in that. So I have taken it upon myself to..."

He was turned on by _this?_ It took everything Puck had not to collapse in laughter right then and there.

iiiiiii

"Hey man, mind if I talk to you for a while?"

Puck jogged after a hurrying Finn down the hallway after glee practice. He obviously didn't want to talk to anyone, not right now while he was in a very uncompromising situation.

"I can't talk now, dude." He said, not stopping, not slowing his pace. Puck was keeping up with him with a devious smirk on his face.

"Oh, but this is kind of important. You know, things have been kind of _hard_ lately." Puck couldn't help but throw that in. He figured he deserved to get some kind of fun after what he was going to do for his lovesick friend.

"I really...don't have time, Puck." Finn was sweating now, turning a pinch of red in the cheeks. Puck was thoroughly enjoying himself.

"Why dude, need to _take care of some things_?" Puck asked, feigning concern. He knew Finn needed things taken cared of, alright.

"I just...need to go, man!" Finn stomed off, now literally running to his car.

Puck almost dobbled over in laughter.

iiiiiiiii

Puck liked to think of himself as renewed man. The old Puck would never think about doing this. But he screwed up big time, like screwing and getting his best friend's girlfriend knocked up big time. So he figured he needed to appease the gods and do something actually nice.

In a weird, Puck sort of way.

But this thing he was about to do? This was about to blow the hell off the good deeds of all good deeds. 'Cause he was doing what Jesus did, he was sacrificing.

Himself.

He knows, awesome, right? Who knew the Puckerone had it in him?

So he dialed his phone, and got comfortable in his bed.

"Hello, Noah?" answered the girly voice from the other line. _Rachel Berry_, he was even going all Jewish on this.

"Berry, I need your help." He said, not beating around the bush.

"Have you finally decided you wanted to be leading man material? Well, Noah, I must say-" she started, only to be cut off.

"What? No, Berry. I need your help with Finn." Even from the phone, Puck could practically see Rachel's face fall when he mentioned Finn's name. Wow, they were both freakishly love horny for each other.

_Love horny,_ he chuckled to himself. He could so give Berry a run for her money for all those big words she invented. He assumed those were invented since he can't understand half the things that come out of her mouth.

"Why? Did something happen?" she asked, trying to hide the concern in her voice. She was so transparent, even through the phone.

"No, but something should. You two should." Puck couldn't believe how incredibly cheezy he sounded, like something out of the CW.

There was a pause on Rachel's end. A very, very long pause. Puck thought she might have died over there.

"Yo Berry, still there?"

"Y-yes, I'm sorry, Noah, I don't understand. What are you trying to say here?" Puck couldn't believe his ears. Did Rachel Berry actually stutter? It's disgusting to him how someone could have it so bad.

"I'm saying Finn's my boy, and I made some mistakes, so now I'm set out to do something nice for him." _And for me,_ he added in his mind,_ karma has seriously been a bitch. He needed to please the big guy up there if he wanted to ever get laid again._

"And this involves me how?" she asked inquistively.

"Has Finn made a move on you yet? Since you and St. Douche broke up?" He never did like that Jessie kid.

"I don't see how that's any of your business, Noah, and I don't appreciate you..."

"Just answer the question, Berry." God, he should have texted her about this. Then he wouldn't have to deal with her abnormally long sentences and unnecessary comments.

"No." She answered curtly.

"But you're into him, right?" Why couldn't Berry just get it? Damn, he was sounded more and more like cheezy teen dramas by the second.

"Y-yes, you could say that." There was the stutter again! So an in love Rachel was a stuterrer, huh? Nice.

"Well, I have cooked up a plan that's so brilliant, you'd ask me to marry you." Puck heard an distinct _Ugh _coming from Rachel's end. Bitch.

"Noah, please, if this is one of your booty calls, spare me and dial San-"

"Damn it, Berry, are you listening? I'm doing you and Hudson a favor here." There was another pause on Rachel's end again. Puck knew she was contemplating on whether to let him talk or to hang up on him.

"Go on." She finally said.

"Great, so you and Finn obviously have the hots for each other..."

"Noah-"

"You were listening, remember? Anyway, since Hudson's being all squirmy and is refusing to ask you out, I have thought of something so awesome that would literally drive him to your front door." He paused, giving her some time to absorb what he just said.

"Continue." Score! She sounded interested.

"I think we should date." Puck heard a thump from Rachel's end. It was followed by a cry of pain.

"What the hell, Berry?" He heard some shuffling from the other end, and then a few grunts. What the fuck was she doing?

"I'm sorry, Noah, I-ow, that hurt." He could hear her struggling. Did she-

"Did you just fall off your bed?" Puck almost dropped the phone in laughter. This day was just too good.

"You can't say something like that to me and expect me to be all calm and-why in the world are you laughing that much, Noah Puckerman?" she demanded from the other end. Puck barely heard her as he was still being consumed by his laughter. Just imagining the usually graceful Rachel fall off her bed...oh, that was hilarious.

"Okay, okay...I'm good now." He stated, taking deep breaths to stop the laughs from coming out.

"Are you sure? I could give you more time." Rachel deadpanned.

"Was that sarcasm, Berry?"

"Ha-ha."

"Okay, anyway, I'm talking about fake dating so no need to fall off your bed or anything."

"I know you aren't some genius, Noah, but you have certainly outdid yourself with this one. How is dating you going to bring me Finn? If anything, it's going to push him away more!" Puck ignored that stab at his intelligence and continued explaing his plan.

"No, it's not. I know Finn, he thinks I'm bad for you so if he sees us hanging out, he'd be all knight in shining armor and then he'd get worked up and pissed, which would drive him to admit his feelings to you. Next thing you know _bam,_ you guys get together and I'll be the genius behind it." He couldn't help but smirk at his own awesomeness. Not only was the Puckerone a stud, he was freaking Einstein too.

"I don't know, Noah..." she said after a few seconds. She was hesitant, but Puck wasn't going to give up that easily.

"Come on, Rach, this may be the only chance Hudson'll decide to actually grow a pair."

"You think provoking him with us would heighten the chances of him actually admitting what I so desperately want him to?" Rachel sounded so hopeful, Puck couldn't help but silently promise to work a little harder to actually make this work. Wait, what?

"Yup, positive."

"And we would only have to keep this up for, what? A month?"

"A month would be just right, Berry."

"You're sure this would work?" Puck rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, dude, trust me."

Puck could hear Rachel take a deep breath. "Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Alright."

"Alright."

She hung up. So did he.

This was going to be one hell of a month.

**Tell me what you think! ;) **


	2. McDonald's

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anything. Sob.**

**AN: Thanks to all of you who took the time to read and review! :)**

Rachel liked to think of herself as a smart girl. Not only was she exceptionally gifted in the arts, she was also above most of her peers when it came to academics. She has been a straight-A student since pre-school and she has prided herself into successfully balancing her performing life with her school life. She was also a very reasonable girl, in addition to being smart.

So why she agreed to Noah's plan of fake dating so that she and Finn could get together was beyond her.

It all sounded like a bad idea to her now. Last night it hadn't, Noah made it sound fail proof and as twisted as this sounded, she actually trusted Noah, in a weird Jewish sort of way.

It really wasn't the success of this plan that she was worried about. She was pretty sure she and Finn were star crossed lovers who would find their way to each other, one way or another. This plan would have just made that easier. No, it was the process that was bugging her. She had to _date_ Noah.

Not that it was horrible the first time, definitely not. She actually liked spending time with him, eventhough she was fairly sure that he had hardly ever listened to her every time she talked about Tony Awards and upcoming Broadway actors and actresses who may or may not be a threat to her in the near future, at least he didn't snob her, unlike the rest of the glee club. Plus, he was a darn good kisser. But that was the first time.

The first time was spontaneous, out of the blue. Maybe that's what attracted her most about their short lived relationship, the fact that for once in her carefully planned life, she actually just went with how things were going. But, again, that was the first time.

This time had to be planned. And they haven't even talked about that yet! As used as Rachel was to having her day, her week and the rest of her life planned out, she was fairly sure Noah was just the opposite (Exhibit A: Quinn).

And how embarrassing would that be? They would have to kiss, like actually make out and be all couply in front of people. It was all good when they dated but now they weren't. Not really, anyway. Plus, Noah made her _feel_ things. Not romantic feelings, oh God, no. Just...feelings. Things she never wanted him to know he could to her.

So, yeah, she was nervous. She was halfway into deciding to call Noah and back out when her cellphone beeped.

_Pick u up at 10 - Puck_

Oh, great, looks like I have to do it personally.

oooooo

Her doorbell rang twenty minutes after she received his text. _Perfect_, Rachel thought to herself. Now she had the perfect way to take back her 'yes' to Noah. She would rage at his tardiness, she would go on and on about how she couldn't possibly have a fake relationship with someone who couldn't even show up on time. He would think she was crazy but he already does anyway, so where's the harm there? She had the dialogue perfectly executed in her mind.

That was until she opened the door and found Noah standing there with a greasy paper bag in his hands that reeked of the goodness that is McDonald's.

Now, Rachel did her best to stay away from fast food joints. They were unhealthy and contained unnecessary amount of calories. But there were days where she would indulge herself, but only if it was McDonald's, as insane as that is. She loved their burgers and just the smell of it now made her mentally drool.

"Sorry I'm late, the nearest McD's here isn't, well, near." Puck said, not looking or sounding apologetic at all. He had this knowing smirk on his face that Rachel detested.

"Listen, Noah-"

"Come on, Berry, let's get to the park so we can talk about my genius plan." he grabbed her by her tiny wrist and pulled her out of her door and towards his car. Rachel tried to stop him.

"Noah, no, look-" _Must resist the cheeseburger, must resist-_

"You're not bailing out on me, are you, Rach?" he subtly lifted the paper bag a liitle higher so that the smell would be closer to her.

He was doing this on purpose! He was luring her with food! That sneaky-

Rachel didn't get to answer or finish her thoughts as she was practically lifted to the inside of his truck.

ooooooo

_Worked like a charm,_ he thought deviously as he drove to the park, the only park they had in Lima. When they were dating, Rachel had this freaky craving for McDonald's one night and forced him to drive her up to the nearest one which, as he mentioned, was not really near.

He watched her attack the Big Mac he ordered her like some Godzilla and that was the first time he actually saw her as somewhat normal. The thought quickly passed ash started yapping on and on about show tunes and whatnot after devouring her burger.

He knew Berry was going to back out. She was probably being a girl about all this and was being too chicken to go through with his genius plan. He knew it from the way she replied to his text message earlier.

_Okay, we need to talk about this._

Puck knew that what Rachel really meant by that was 'I'm going to talk and you have no choice but to listen.' so he drove over to the nearest McD's (which, he swore, was not really near) and ordered her a Big Mac with fries because he was not taking no for an answer.

He watched her take her first bite of the burger. She got that burgasm look on her face again. He chuckled.

"How long has it been since you had one of those?" he asked, as he continued to watch her go all godzilla on her burger.

"Oh God, I don't even remember. Oh, right! It was the time I asked you to drive me all the way over there." Puck looked at her surprised. That was probably several months ago.

"That long?"

"I know you live off these things, Noah, but you should know what the amount of calories these things contain can do-"

"I've seen _Supersize Me_, Berry. I don't need the lecture." he said, cutting her off.

"Well then if you have, then why are you still-"

"Hey, I'm not the one inhaling a Big Mac here."

That shut her up.

"Anyway, I think we should talk about what we're going to tell people."

"Like a story?" Berry looked surprised, like surprised that he was actually going to take this seriously.

"Yeah, unless you'd want to stick to the one when we first dated?" he raised his eyebrow at her and smirked maliciously, remembering how an innocent practice at her bedroom ended up with her straddling him on her bed. (Innocent, hah.)

"No, please, don't remind me. A fresh, new, PG-14 start sounds good."

They started brainstorming about their get together story. Puck stayed cool about it, staying away from the ideas of boomboxes in the rain or some secret admirer bull shit. Rachel, however, was being the annoying opposite.

"Maybe we should tell them that you serenaded me with you guitar outside my window, not caring whether or not the neighbors heard you, just as long as you could profess your undying-"

"Hold up with gayness, Berry. We are not telling people I went out and lost my balls for a chick." He said, firmly. No way in hell was he going to allow her to viciously murder his reputation with her schoolgirl fantasies. Because him serenading and professing? That was just cruel and mean, even for someone as crazy as Berry.

"But that would be so romantic! Like in the movies, Noah! The so-called bad boy and the innocent, doe eyed leading lady-"

"No."

"Please, Noah? Okay, maybe we can compromise."

That got his attention. Berry was offering a compromise?

"You can choose the song you serenade me with."

"What the hell, Berry? There will be no serenading, or poetry reading-" she opened her mouth to speak,

"-or billboard proposals." she shut her mouth close.

"I don't know what kind of story you want, Noah! We might as well just stick with what actually happened the first time we dated." she exclaimed sarcastically, exasperated at his stubborness to cooperate.

"That's not a bad idea." he smirked at her, she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Oh no, Noah, we are not-"

"I think our work is done, Berry. Come on, let's get you home." he stood up and walked to his car, the smirk never leaving his face. He ignored the big words Berry was yelling at him as she followed him.

ooooo

"I don't agree with this, Noah. There is absolutely no way I'm going to tell people that _that's_ what happened." she said as soon as the car stopped in front of her house.

"But that _is_ what happened, Berry." he reache dover and opened her door, practically pushing her out of his truck.

"I am not happy about this, Noah." she said as she was fully out of the vehicle.

"I'll see you Monday." he slammed the door to her face and drove off.

_Oh, I'll see you, alright,_ Rachel already knew what _she_ was going to tell people. And, yes, it involved serenading.

**AN: 'Burgasm' is an awesome word I got from How I Met Your Mother. Oh, how I love that show. Review? :)**


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